So many things to say... so little patience to type it out here.

i'd veil my sadness with happiness
the more i smile, the more i cry inside
the last thing i want is for you to see me sad

Since that person a year back... i didnt think i'd feel this way again
How wrong I was.
It feels just the same. Exactly the way it did a year back.
1st I forgot how to love... I learnt to love again and it felt good.
It didnt occur to me I forgot how to hurt too.
And now i'm in excruciating pain. Was this how it felt like?
Nothing good comes out of a one-sided-love-story anyways.

WHat's worse is that this time I have no one to talk to about this.
No one knows... coz I never really told anyone.
And I can't talk to him either coz he can't.
So now I only have me to push myself back up.

and after all that, i'm still stubborn.
I.STILL.LOVE.YOU
and i ain't leaving

Smile

it's the last thing on my mind right now.

i don't really care about wanting to be yours now.

all i want is for u to be better.

i don't think i've a space in your heart.

i don't even think it's gonna be anytime soon.

So no... tt thought has long not crossed my mind.

I just want you to cheer up.....

Coz the saddest thing is to celebrate your birthday and Hari Raya without a hint of a smile.

i'm afraid...... may God give me strength

Everyday life

No need to meet up everyday....

You're already almost a part of my everyday life.

Insomnia

when i get this affected.

i know i'm in too deep.

i'd like to say i'm contented the way things are.

but i want more.

I also hope that if things doesnt go the way i want it to.. things will remain this way.

Coz i'm just in too deep.

Insomnia............ siigh

Now and FOrever

so.... no one reads this blog of mine. which is fine by me... i could type how i feel here and no one will probably know.

I finally got to meet a certain someone after what seemed like a gazillion years.

I was nervous at 1st but gradually got comfortable.

I wanted to keep lookin into your eyes but I'm shy.

Walking next to you at the park... i wished we were closer.

My heart skipped a beat each time i see you smile.

This feeling I have not felt for over a year.

It's back again and I know it's too late to back out.

The longing.... the jealousy.....

That's when I realised it's now and forever.

I wanted to cuddle in the cinema.

but the lights were too bright.

I was glad when you decided not to go home straight after the movie.

Instead we sat and chatted.

I wished it was longer.

How I smiled when you said we'd meet again....

Even if it's not meant to be for us to be together...

This love for you is now and forever.

Reality Check...

Don't even try to get what's not yours to begin with...

So now it's best, I guess to stay away.

Coz I took the road that never ends...

and realised maybe it's time I turned back now.

Turn to where i felt it was safe...

Where no one had ever hurt me.

Where I was alone and waiting......

Only difference now is, I ain't waiting anymore.

I rather stay here alone...

and that is MY REALITY.